So depressed that my scale just isn't moving. How can that be true when I'm doing everything right?  It's really getting me down and I've even eaten some "bad" carbs.  I am getting so strong now doing all the strength conditioning though and cardio.  I can do so much more and last so much longer.  Last Monday I did a Zumba class, "Balls and Bands" and then did 45 minutes of strength training.  Thursday I did a Zumba class, did a 3 mile walk at lunch (3/4 of a mile of it was uphill) then did an hour of cardio at the Y. Friday I did TWO water fitness classes.  There's no way I could do a fraction of that before. BEFORE I would be short of breath just WALKING up to the 3rd floor women's locker room at the Y.  I make sure to do strength training 3 days a week.  Now sometimes I have to INCREASE the weights after someone else rather than lower them. Last night after Zumba I tried TRX. Have you ever seen people doing it? It looks so intimidating.  I was able to do it. Actually the instructor was impressed at my ability and even commented on my form.  Now I know muscle weighs more than fat and I know that even though the numbers aren't changing my percentage of fat is. SUPPOSEDLY the extra metabolism from the muscle will even things out and you will lose weight. Well I'm getting tired of waiting. I have made sure that I'm getting in the protein and making sure I don't eat too little calories. Last week I even changed my fitness routine so that I had 4 days of intense exercise and 3 days of rest. No change. Yesterday I wore a pair of jeans to work that were a size 14.  I didn't have to unbutton and unzip to pull them down so I'm losing inches.  I've made such progress I don't see how I can just throw all the fitness stuff aside to lose the pounds. So I'm feeling looooowwww and don't know what to do but WAIT.

Feeling really "blue" but getting closer to "in the pink" (perfect health). Does that make me shades of PURPLE? (silly me) but purple is my favorite color so I'm goin' with it. Blue because I've literally been working my butt off with no weight change. I guess I need to step things up and re-assess my intake.  Too much? Too little? I have no idea. I missed doing any cardio yesterday so today I got up for the 6am Zumba class at the YMCA. It was the first time I tried it and it was so hard. It's not a low impact class like I'm used to but Zumba burns off so many calories that I struggled through. It was a challenge but I certainly will try to add this class to my weekly schedule.  Needing to get in my 3 days of weights this week I followed with strength training for 50 minutes this morning.  I was even able to increase some of my weights and I had them add a third set on 2 machines. I may regret that when I go back on Saturday!  By then I've started thinking I must be crazy for doing all this BEFORE work but by the time I got there I still had enough energy to walk down all those sets of stairs in the parking garage without tripping over my own feet, LOL.  Walking down stairs takes longer and probably doesn't burn many calories but "am I using more muscles doing things this way?" is a frequent thought and whenever I can do anything to exercise muscles, even if it's something simple, it's got to be a good thing. I took the rest day yesterday because my grandson Devin had a baseball game after I got off work. Tuesday I couldn't wait to exercise after work so I went for a 3 mile walk at lunch. Three quarters of a mile in the beginning of the walk was up a really steep hill and it was so hot out!  I didn't even need to stop and take a breather the entire walk!  That made me feel great! Such an improvement from the last time I attempted the hill. I even had the energy to walk up 6 sets of ramps to my car after work. So in summary, my weight is not moving and I'm sure my third place is getting shaky so it's got me down, but I'm stronger and healthier so I shouldn't worry so much right? Please say "yes"!

Such an emotional Monday!  I have been working hard in the gym and the scale isn't budging and I have been so darn tired all the time!   Noticed big dark circles under my eyes too .   I took a much needed break over the weekend. Saturday I ate my maintenance (maybe a little above), pigged out on carbs and sat on my butt almost all of the day except for going out to a movie (and eating buttered popcorn) with my husband.  Sunday I worked out but again ate my maintenance. I'm doing weight training 3 mornings a week and imagine my dismay when I just didn't have the energy to go yesterday morning.  I was so upset. I blew my diet out of the water ON PURPOSE and it did nothing?? When it came time for Zumba I just didn't feel energetic or motivated but I made myself go anyway. Good thing I did!  At Tripoint I was rockin' at Zumba!  I ended up having the energy to really have strong, big moves and get those legs up high.   Afterwards I did the exercise balls and resistance bands class (lots of openings ladies).  Then I STILL had energy and wanted MORE so I went to the Y and did my weights circuit that I skipped in the morning. I probably would have done cardio but the Y was closing. Went home on a high note and skipped my weekly Big Mac without the bun that I usually get after my big Zumba workout Mondays. Took a break at home and ate healthy protein for building muscles then still had the energy to put away laundry.  My hubby was alarmed when I suddenly started sobbing! Why was I sobbing??? Well the majority of my clothes were way too big and it felt so good!  It was happy tears!!!  I kept loading clothes into garbage bags to take to Goodwill. All 1X, XXL and almost all of my XL went in the bags.  I'm just "large" now. Odd that "large" should sound so good but it does.  My hubby and I were talking and although the pounds just aren't coming off lately I've really lost a lot of inches.  I still have quite a bit of fat to lose, the middle is still a big problem (pun intended) but he was very impressed with my rock hard quadriceps! I still have an exercise buzz this morning.  Woke up at 5:30am with my body raring to go but I went back to sleep because after doing so much late the night before I don't want to push it.  The last thing I need is an injury.  It's nice that I'm so antsy to get off work and go exercise though (cardio day).  It's hot out and I bet the pool would be a great place to get some cardio in when I get off work. I'm needing a new swimsuit too Crystal. Isn't it awesome to look forward to buying a new suit for a change?!! We've got like 5 1/2 weeks left and I really hope to be half way to my goal weight by then. The end of the contest isn't going to be the end for me. I'm going (changed from "hoping") to be "normal" weight by the end of the year. My 'normal" however may not match the charts though.  I find I'm sexier with some curves

Well the really good thing about this weekend is that I FINALLY met a trainer at the gym for weight training Saturday!  I have been reading about weight training and how you really shouldn't do it more than 3 days a week and I'm REALLY happy to hear that!  I MADE IT TO STRENGTH TRAINING THE THREE DAYS THIS WEEK! That's a really big deal for me since I loathe formal exercise.  No biggie in the amount of weights but it's a start.  So now I think I can handle some weights 3 days a week (I did it one week so I can do it the next) although I'd rather spend my time doing the fun stuff.  The thing that really made me change my mind about strength training was noticing a bit more flabby skin on my underarms from weight loss last week.  I lost weight fast the first month and started to notice looseness (or could have been my paranoia) and so increased my calories a bit because I REALLY have this wrinkles and "bat wing" phobia.  My beloved grandmother lost a bunch of weight and had bat wings so bad I'm surprised they didn't fly up and put an eye out!  Just kidding but they really were BAD and I remember people staring when she went sleeveless.  It may have made me over self conscious. I'm worried about my inner thighs flapping too although less so than my arms because that's so much easier to hide and I go sleeveless much of the summer.  So anyway I've decided to try to fill up some of that that flabby skin with muscle since there's so way I can afford plastic surgery.  Again, not much weight yet but I'll bulk up these flabby arms some if it's the last thing I do! Not too sure what to do about potential wrinkles though.  My daughter has a friend that lost about a hundred pounds and ended up looking about 10 years older!  It may be that's it's inevitable since there won't be as much fat to fill in the wrinkle lines. I'm literally slathering on moisturizer which I guess at my age I should have been doing all along.  Also taking better care to get in all the nutrients I should which I also should have been doing all along.  What else can I do? Facial pushups maybe, LOL.  Hey, there ARE muscles in your face so....I'll check with the trainer next time I go.

Just a short note: I was just reading Cynthia's blog about how some people are so mean and judgmental or insensitive about people who are obese.  A simple joke or comment that you may even think is funny can be totally devastating for someone else.  They may NEVER get over it. Let me share my experience. There was a local church fair this weekend.  I told myself I would get over it but I still haven't been able to and still couldn't bring myself to go on the ferris whee. Actually I was under 200 pounds at the time but still obviously heavy but I was standing in line at the ferris wheel with my 2 very small grandsons and we were waiting to get on.  He kept loading people on the ferris wheel that were in line behind us.  I asked why he wasn't letting us get on and he said loudly, obviously publicly "I have to find a place to put you because I can't have you throwing the ferris wheel off balance".  Cue snickers from the crowd. I was CRUSHED. My chest literally HURT.  I had trouble breathing. After he finally put us on and we got off I had to go to the rest room and break down. THREE years later I still haven't been able to bring myself to go back on a ferris wheel with my grandchildren because of my public humiliation. My chest is tightening and I want to cry again just thinking about it. It will always be one of the most painful experiences in my life.

It's really been bothering me about always being a "spoil sport" when it comes to food now. I was feeling selfish about always telling my hubby that no we STILL can't go to a favorite restaurant because they don't have meals that I can get or that I'd just get a salad. "No I Grandma can't try a piece of the cookie you made because I'm on a diet".  Any little "cheat" I had made me feel awful about myself even if it was a small taste.  My ruminations lead me to the fact that food was STILL controlling my life. There are very definite social and emotional aspects to eating. My hubby was shocked and pleased that I suggested his favorite Mexican restaurant on our "date night".  I think it was the most relaxed, pleasurable dinner we've had in awhile now. I left off the sour cream and just ate a few chips and salsa.  I didn't use an "app" at the table to figure out how many calories I was consuming.  Same with the raspberry reiseling wine and the cheese/cracker/sausage/homemade bread platter shared at the hot air balloon launch Saturday.  I allowed myself to eat but kept my intake (except for that darn homemade bread) within reason. The food was MEANT to be shared, commented on and enjoyed together.  I've finally gotten beyond having my eating control me and now I control my eating.  I let myself loose for totally pleasurable social experiences without letting it spiral out of control!  I was able to limit (except for that darn homemade bread) my selections without mindlessly eating.  I'm no longer afraid that I won't be able to get back on track and I have no guilt about a diet "holiday" every once in a while.  Just in case I ate a few more calories than I should I'll just work a little harder at exercise and eat a little less for a few days.  The danger is making a habit of  "holidays" but honestly after eating healthy 90% of the time I welcome getting back on track and eating healthy.  I don't feel so weighed down.  I'M IN CONTROL.

Well today a former co-worker just walked on by me at work. I yelled "Hey!". Well she said that she didn't recognize me!  I asked why, "35 pounds isn't a massive amount" and she said it was because of the weight change and I look so healthy!  Wow that's two days this week so I really must be looking better. Another person at work that hasn't seen me for a while also made a comment that I'm really looking good.  It was nice because my daughter has been making comments about my weight at home. She never said anything about it before but now that I've lost some weight she's making comments?  My husband did comment that I don't "look pregnant" anymore. Why is it that the people that should be the most supportive just aren't? I've gone down 3 pant sizes and 2 shirt sizes but I look in the mirror and just see fat.  Maybe it will take some time for me to notice any change. Maybe when I get closer to my ideal weight things will change.

Crystal I read the blogs and I'm going to try to blog more too. I know we're supposed to be doing it at least twice a week. My dilemma today...."Oh,girls..Girls just wanna have fu-un......" Really. Guess there's a reason Lisa and Kate are leading the pack besides just the dieting. Lisa works her butt off 5 days a week with a trainer.  Kate works out too and gets help from a personal trainer.  They are willing to WORK at getting fit. We have the YMCA option and some free sessions at Slim and Fit and Pulse but I HATE exercise!!!!!  I just haven't been able to get myself to go all that boring sweaty strenuous stuff.  Weight training? Zzzzzzz. Ooops! Sorry I fell asleep just thinking about it. Four months are gone now and I haven't done ANY training.  I'm so busy and the thought of taking extra time out of my day for something I REALLY don't want to do, well I don't wanna think about it.  So my goal for this week is to make an appointment and get to the gymmmmmm. Ouch, can barely even type it.  Maybe they can can show me some exercises that won't hurt my neck and back but won't put me to sleep. I WILL TRY TO EXERCISE IN THE GYM FOR AT LEAST 2 TIMES A WEEK. "Try" is the key word.  I've had so much fun walking and biking and hiking and swimming and Zumba and even a little bit of belly dancing.  If the gym thing fails there's this new dance place that has a Polynesian dance class on Sundays! Seriously though, I've gotta step it up because this contest is only about the numbers. BUT....Girls just wanna have, just wanna have fu-un

Choked up after Zumba class today. The instructor spoke to me after class and said she usually doesn't say anything but she is impressed about my progress getting in shape. She says I "shine" now and look so much younger than my actual age!  I think the 35lbs lost is minor compared to the improvement in my fitness level and the change in the quality of my life.  Saturday I spent the day playing with my grandchildren and my grandson Connor wanted to race and no one wanted to race him. He didn't even ask me since "grandma doesn't run". He looked so sad I raced him!  I raced him on the football field from goal post to goal post, 120 yards!  No I didn't keel over. I didn't wheeze, I laughed! After a few minutes we ran back!!!  240 yards total!   Yesterday I did a 2 hr ZumaThon for charity with my daughter-in-law. Can't believe a mere 4 months ago I was so tired it was a struggle to get out of bed! I was so happy she acknowledged my progress after Zumba I celebrated by doing my first attempt at interval training through the neighborhood with my oldest grandson.  We did our own personalized special version with 8 sprints, alternating with walking, walking BACKWARDS and skipping (yes I skipped and giggled like a school girl with my grandson when I was doing it)...for 1.25 miles. Not bad for a fat 55yo grandmother of 8!